The Fed Up Feminist

Before we get started on anything, I want to say that this book was not hard to read. It was poorly written and at times was painful to read because of how judgmental these two were being towards other women who were not living to their standards. 

Not even five chapters in Bethany and Kristen were already judging the women they went to high school with. However, nothing was as bad as the way they talk about Katie Jones. 

Katie Jones was someone they knew growing up, and they both admitted that they were jealous of her. However, Katie Jones did not end up living the life that everyone expected. They took the time to describe how her life ended up being sad and how she ended up getting pregnant out of wedlock because she wasn’t following god’s plan. 

I took the time to ask myself why they cared so much about someone they used to know in high school. Why was it so important to them that in their eyes she failed, and was no longer desirable? 

That’s when it hit me, they saw Katie Jones as competition and were happy to see that their biggest rival fail. Women in evangelical circles are often competing against other women for men. They are taught since a very young age that they are meant to only be homemakers and wives, and their only purpose is to please men.

They admit later in the book that they are competitive, and we have seen this over the years with their behavior towards each other. They most likely saw Katie Jones as competition and were livid when she had the husband and the life they wanted. 

So, when Katie Jones life spiraled due to misfortune, they took the time to be mean girls and shame her in the book. 

As I continued, I came across the term Counterfeit Femininity. This is a term that Kristen and Bethany came up with to tell their readers why women are unhappy in our culture. 

Bethany blames liberation for women being unhappy.

Bethany tells a story about how she went on a date with a man who asked her would she be able to give up her ministry work if she became a wife and mother. She did get offended. 

She goes on to blame liberation for her pride and not wanting to give up her work. Not realizing that maybe she can do both, and that she chose to do both after getting married and having kids. 

There is an underlying message on why Bethany doesn’t like liberation, and that is because liberation can set women free from sexism. In this section Bethany does not believe women and men should be equal, and that women belong at home. 

“Free from what? Primarily free from roles in marriage. Free from the differences between men and women Free from the differences between men and women. Free from the Bible’s teachings on gender. Free from anything that distinguishes what it means to be male and what it means to be female.” (Baird and Clark, 2016) 

They believe that liberation is bad because women are living the way they want to, and not the way they believe is right. My theory is that they see this as a threat because if women realize they are more than just homemakers, they could leave the church. That’s why they shame women who live differently, it’s because it’s different from what they experienced, and they believe the way the church and their parents taught them is the right way. 

The next thing they blame for women being unhappy is Independence. Yes, they really blame women being independence as a root cause of unhappiness.

Kristen talks about how she was an independent spirit, and how being an independent spirit nearly destroyed her marriage. During this section of the book made me question if they knew what it means to be independent because Kristen just wrote about being upset about a budget, and that she was not Zack’s competitor. Anyone would be upset over a budget cut, but to blame independence for the root cause of women’s unhappiness is a bit of a stretch. 

Being independent can look different for many women. My way is that I don’t want marriage, kids, and I want to live alone. That’s my version of being independent. 

Other’s version can look different. Some might want marriage and traditional life, and other’s might not. Being independent means, you get to make that choice for yourself what you want to do with your life, and nobody should ever shame you for living the way you want. 

“However, this lifestyle is not what God intended for us women.” (Baird and Clark, 2016) 

I feel like many people forget that this is the core belief of Kristen and Bethany, and still is. They do not believe that women should be independent, and we should live in a Christian patriarchal society where women do not have the freedom to live independently and get to make their own choice.

That is why Kristen and Bethany are so dangerous. They have an impressable audience and can make them believe that this is the only life they can live. 

The last thing they complained about is sexual freedom.  Marilyn Monroe comes up a couple times at this point, and I don’t want to touch a lot on this because Marilyn Monroe is not even at peace in death. They use someone who was in pain most of their life to try prove that they are right about our culture, and they don’t take time to consider that Monroe was mentally ill and that’s why she struggled. 

Mental illness was not accepted during her time, and the fact they try to argue that the reason why she was so depressed was because our culture is pathetic. She was sick and the fact they were talking about her in this way makes me angry. 

They argue in this section that sexual freedom is hurting women and should not be tolerated. 

We should not forget that due to what they consider “Counterfeit Femininity” is what gave Bethany the platform to have a sex course. Having a sex course, talking about sex, and talking about masturbation with Kristen can be seen as a sexual freedom. 

People can argue that your views can change over time, and it is completely valid when they do. However, they still preach purity. Bethany still profits from purity culture because that’s how her course sells. Without her preaching purity, she can’t sell her sex course. 

After this section they go on to talk about how women are not as happy as they used to be, and how it’s due to Counterfeit Femininity. They argue that women are no longer happy because we are living independently, sexually free, and liberated. That if we went back to god’s way, then women would be happier. 

This is far from the truth. According to Psychology Today, single women without any children are happier and healthier. Women often put the most work in the relationship and raising the kids. This can put a lot of strain on women. It’s no wonder that single and child free women are happier. 

Women are often perceived as needing someone to take care of them because for centuries women couldn’t own property, have their own bank account, and be independent. They had no choice, but to get married and have kids. Now, women do have a choice when it comes to when they want to get married and when they want kids, if they want that at all. 

When women go against this norm, well people can’t always wrap their head around it. Kristen and Bethany are prime examples of this. They were taught that they were helpless without men, and marriage was the goal for them. Often in conservative Christian homes girls are taught that men are in charge of everything from finances to personal decisions. 

I’m barely five chapters in at this point, and already I have seen a lot shaming, and a lot of patriarchy. 

The 2^nd part book of the book, they talk about gender roles. They are by complaining about a gender-neutral daycare in Sweden, that there are gay couples and people who do not live traditionally in children’s books, and there are no gender roles. 

As we go on into this section, they talk about Biblical Femininity. I have to admit I cringed reading all of this as a feminist, but here’s what they talked about. 

The first thing they talked about was being a helper to men around you. What I want to point is why are only women expected to be helpers, but not men. Men do a lot too, but they are never considered helpers even though they are helping. Instead, they get to be considered providers, protectors, and leaders. They are not considered helpers. 

The reason why that is, is because being a “helper” is equivalent to be submissive. Kristen and Bethany are very sneaky when it comes to this topic in the book. Instead of calling it submission they call it being a helper. 

I have seen this being preached in churches, they are no longer calling it submission, and instead calling women to be helpers instead. They know that the word submission will rile people up. Bethany and Kristen know this too. 

Biblical submission is still preached, but today it is being wrapped up in a bow and women are being told that it is not that bad. Women are told that this is their purpose, and if they do not live by it, then they are disobeying their husbands and god. 

Bethany and Kristen’s goal is to make submission look good and is something women should want. They just told their young readers why liberation, independence, and sexual freedom is bad and should not be something they want. They are trying to persuade the reader that those three things are bad, and they are meant to submit to their husbands. 

The rest of the Biblical Femininity section is sexist. They talk stereotypically about women, and how our purpose is to give birth whether that’s spiritually or physically. 

They try to convince their reader that men and women are very different from each other, and that we should just be okay that we are different. 

However, they never give us concrete evidence that we are different. They just give us stereotypes about how women interact and that women give birth (they were transphobic with that topic). They were going on and on about how only women can give birth, that men can’t ever feel what women feel, and it’s impossible for men to give birth. 

This wraps up part one, and I hope all enjoyed it. I will get you all my final opinion in the next part. Because leave feedback, your thoughts, or tell me what you think. I’ll see y’all next weekend.