The Fed Up Feminist

I am not the typical child free person. I grew up thinking that one day I will get married and have children. I remember telling my peers that I wanted to have six kids at one point. I know, six kids, in this economy?

It was at the age of sixteen when I knew that kids would not be in my future. I remember what sparked that conversation with me. I was hanging out with my little cousins, and I felt drained after interacting with them for nearly an hour. I caught myself asking if having a kid, let alone six was a right path for me.

I snapped back and thought it would be different if they were mine. I could not imagine having a life without them, and I just pushed that thought in the back of my head. However, it did not stop there.

I am on the autism spectrum. I was diagnosed late, but that’s a story for a different day. People on the spectrum usually get triggered whenever there are loud noises. One day my family and I were at a fast food restaurant, and there were A LOT of kids in the area where we were sitting. There was screaming, crying, and running around. To say it was a mad house would be an understatement. I ended up having a meltdown in public because I could not handle the noise.

As grew older and graduated high school, I recognized a trend. Whenever I saw a child in restaurants, movie theaters, and stores I started to panic. The hard conversation with myself was starting to come up more and more, and it was getting harder to ignore.

Finally at the age of 18, I had finally had that conversation with myself. I was honest with myself, and I came to terms that children were not for me. It was hard because I had the typical fence sitter questions. Was dating going to be hard for me? Will I die alone?

That’s when I realized that: I’m happily single, I have an amazing group of friends that I made at school and through my activism, and I know I will be okay at the end of my life.

I knew one day that I will get my tubes tied, but I thought it would be in my late twenties. However, when Roe V Wade was overturned, I knew that I needed to have this done quickly because I was not sure if my right to permanent birth control would be in my future. I am planning on writing about Republican’s attack on birth control, and it is predicted that Republicans are going to attack birth control rights. If they are coming after IVF, they are definitely not afraid to come after birth control.

It took two doctors to find someone who was willing to do it. I explained that I am sure I do not want children, and I had a speech ready for push back. Thankfully, she took me seriously and there was no push back.

When I tell people that I do not want children I get one of two responses. Either I would get a surprised look and get told I would change my mind. Or I will get asked twenty questions on why I don’t. People assume that since I am a woman that I must want children, that since I have a uterus that I want a baby in it. Child free women are often demonized online. We get told we are selfish, that our lives are going to be meaningless and joyless, and we get told that we would have trouble finding a man to marry us.

This shows me that sexism is still alive and well in our society. That women are still expected to be wives and mothers. We don’t say this to men, we don’t tell them that they would be meaningless without a wife and child. In fact, many men joke that having a wife is equivalent to being tied down.

Today, research is showing us that women who are single and do not have children are the happiest. Well, I believe that. I am happy being single because it lets me be me. I don’t have to worry about anyone else, and I won’t have to change me or feel pressured to hide parts of myself. I love getting to do what I want whenever I want. If enjoying my life makes me selfish, oh well!

To answer the question: I just don’t want them and nobody should be forced to have kids.

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